So I got hit pretty hard with a nice slap from the Holy Spirit yesterday and I thought I’d share it with you all. I was driving home from Gateway, and just singing, worshiping God, when I got hit with a realization that I wasn’t truly worshiping him.
Why’s that?
While I was worshiping him, or rather, singing to him, I was thinking about other things, including things that had no place in my mind whether or not I was worshiping. I got convicted of the seriousness of what I was doing.
I was sinning while worshiping.
I was transgressing while atoning.
I was slapping the face of God while praising his name.
In essence, I was mocking God. Mockery is simply contempt that looks pretty at first, but is ugly and scornful inside. I think of the soldiers that placed the robe on Jesus’ back, the crown of thorns upon his head, and the staff in his hand. “Hail, King of the Jews!” they cried out, mocking. Mocking. They were praising his name but despising his beauty, because inwardly they were insincere, contemptuous, even hateful. Their words did not match their hearts. They were sarcastic to the Creator of the universe, belittling the glory of the King of Heaven.
And you know what?
This is what I was doing.
I wasn’t truly worshiping my Father. I as singing songs but I wasn’t worshiping him. What is worship? Of course there are different forms of worship, and worship definitely isn’t just singing songs and swaying back and forth in dimly lit room, but that’s one of its most common and purest forms. Worship to me is adoration of our Creator, selfless concentration on his beauty, and praise of the wonderful things he has done. Worship is all about him, and has nothing to do with me. It’s gazing at the face of God and saying “You alone are worth my affection, my devotion, my all.” That’s why worship shouldn’t be limited to just praise and worship songs on a Sunday morning or in the car, but should be an all-encompassing mindset that in every aspect of my life, Jesus is greatest, and what I do, I do for him. That’s the heart of worship.
Adoration of his beauty, concentration on his glory. Hear me out, when I am not fully concentrated on my Heavenly Father when I’m worshiping then I am not worshiping him, I am worshiping whatever else I’m thinking about. Yesterday, I was worshiping thoughts that were not of him; I was worshiping that sin. I was mocking God because outwardly I was praising him, but inwardly I was praising my thoughts. I was saying, “God, you’re worth my voice, but not my thoughts.”
God has torn the curtain of his presence long ago so that all people who seek after him might enjoy the wonderful presence of his Spirit. We can do what only the consecrated priests were able to do before: we can enter the Holy of Holies. May we not enter it and think about anything other than the beauty of our eternal Father. To do this is to blaspheme the name of God and to desecrate the Holy of Holies. If it were not for his endless grace and mercy because of the sacrifice of his Son, we would be dead.
I would be dead.
I don’t have much to say after this, other than I know personally I need to weep over this conviction, because to do otherwise is to be apathetic about loving Jesus Christ, and to be passive about adoration of His beauty. And if I’m apathetic about loving him or worshiping him, then I don’t fully understand how incredible He is, nor do I truly love him. If I’m apathetic about my worship of my Creator, then I do not truly love him, I appreciate him, I like him; but I do not love him.
When we gaze upon the face of God our response should be nothing other than complete and undivided attention and concentrated obsession.
May we worship Him wildly.
May we worship Him obsessively.
May we worship Him purely.
May we worship Him, and Him alone.
“Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness.”
the unworthy wanderer 