lead me on.

Lead me on, kindly light.
Because sometimes the darkness is too much.

Sometimes all I want to do is sit at the feet of Him Who Loves Me, and breathe, knowing that in his presence I am safe.
In His presence, I am made whole.
In His presense, I am made new.
In His presence, confusion is gone.
In His presence, fear is scattered.
In His presence, doubt is destroyed.

Sometimes all I want to do is run in His field and never stop.
Why can’t I find that field?

Fragmented, I am cut up by my own thoughts.
Oh no, what have I done?
And I try and put myself back together, but I don’t fit together the same way.
And so I walk around, stumbling, for I am a mesh of bones and feelings, somehow working to propel me in a forward fashion.
Forward.
Can I do it?

I wish that I could cut off my ears.
Words are my bread, and the opinions of others are my wine.
This is my communion.
This is my religion.

I wish that I could pick apart my feelings like a dog picks apart the meat from a dead corpse.
What is the meat, and what are these useless bones that I constantly am choking on?
I am a blind dog.

I wish that someone would sit next to me, and sing to me until my thoughts were calmed, and the power of this storm was made void.
Void.
How I once hated the void.
Now I long for it.

Perhaps I am making this more complicated than it needs be.
No, I know that I am.
But what is more complicated than that which is simple?
Paradox of a man am I.
I once liked paradoxes.

Simply pursue Him, little child, and your pieces will fall into place.
This, I know.
But my mind rages against my heart all the more.