river of God

drink, drink,
drink deeply,
and drown,
till blood and water mix,
a holy retribution to this unfortunate carnality bestowed upon my undefiled spirit.

river of God,
you are not like other rivers.
you do not follow the course of the ruts and ridges of the land,
jumping over rocks and earth before you spill into the sea.

you are a river wild,
wild like my heart,
no,
wilder.

you have hunted me down,
chased me in the dark,
pursued me in the light,
and overtaken me every time i thought i had lost you.

you kill me sweetly,
with love and power,
drowning every part of me that i clung onto.

river of God,
you will not give up,
you will not relent,
until i give myself,
fully,
to your strength.

so i give myself to you,
willingly,
with little love,
but it is all i have.

river of God,
how powerful you are!
how strong and fierce!
you break every one of my bones,
so that they may one day shout with delight.

river of God,
you are frightening!
much more formidable than the devils that lurk on your shores.
you tear my flesh and crush my skull.
my lungs fill with you,
and life leaves my blood.

i emerge from the water,
with a body i did not have before,
holy and blameless,
with a gaping hole in my center,
where darkness used to dwell.
now water flows from it.

river of God,
i once entered you,
now you have entered me,
and made me an everlasting fountain,
a waterfall of your beautiful destruction,
life for all who might drown in your waters.